02.10.21 Grief and Crafts

I haven’t written in a bit specifically about the grief I feel since Roy died.

Somedays I experience all the stages of grief in one day. That is new.

I like the stage of denial because in that stage I can pretend he is still with me here on earth, just outside or another room.  That may sound silly but it keeps me from losing my mind some days.

I don’t think I’ve tried to bargain but if that would get Roy back I’d bargain! I know he wouldn’t trade Heaven where he now lives to return to this messed up world we live in, even for me.

I can’t even imagine what he thought when America decided to vote Joe Biden for President.

Sometimes I still get very angry and feel like spitting BBs, about losing him in my life. Not nearly like I did at first though.

I am a happy person by preference and the depression associated with grief is something I thought I was handling well until my primary care doctor said he thinks the seizure type episodes were partly a result of losing Roy in my life.

The acceptance stage is something that is taking over more and more, I am so thankful to God as the One that walks with me and comforts me through all of the stages.

Some of Roy’s favorite foods have stayed in the pantry and as time goes on they get used or they leave. One is Roy’s favorite Cheese and peanut butter crackers. This last lonely pack is still hanging around.

I still have two of his belts hanging in our closet. I am right now wearing his Saints puffy slippers.

I am a very different person now. I’ve had no choice but to change. I eat what I want whenever I want to eat, not what Roy and I want to eat at a time best for him. This is very small but Roy always filled up the salt and pepper shaker when needed. He always got the mail from the mailbox. I sometimes now go for a few days without getting it. Roy fixed the coffee pot for the next day and now I do that.

I may have shared this before but if I did I’m sorry. It is difficult for me to now go to Thrift Town Pharmacy. because the hospital that Roy was at last where we were able to view his body is right across the street.

I am still lonely often during the day. Not having someone to talk to is a killer for me, ya’ll know how I love to talk.

I play in my rock room much more than I used to when Roy was alive. I have been able to go back to hiding my rocks and a lot more people than used to find them and post photos on Rosie Rocks Facebook group.

God is healing my heart a little more each day while He continues to wrap His loving arms around me.

I’ve started dancing around the house again a bit with the music on (loud!!).

The things I write in my Angel Catcher’s journal are not so full of anguish like they were at first.

I am very thankful that my youngest son Chip is living with me and that I have my sweet dog, Buddy. Chip helps me with everything he can around here and contributes financially.

When we have a decent dry sunny day here or there I will begin my spring cleanup in the gardens around here. There will only be one tomato bush and one cucumber vine this year but I have decided to plant some potato sprouts down by the fence line. They don’t require any maintenance until they are ready to dig up. I’ve not found any tomato bushes or cucumber vines yet but I am ready to plant them in the big black pot I bought at the 15-mile yard sale last year.

Dead leaves and branches will be cut, weeds can begin being pulled and some garden decorations are being worked on. My rock ladybugs and rock flowers are being cleaned up, repainted, and/or resealed.

I found the photo I took of Cindy and my meal from last week at The Real Deal in Hammond. This is fried fish covered with crawfish etouffee and potato salad, yum!

This is the box of Mothers Day cards my friend Cindy V. gave me to stamp out tags and just cut various parts I’d like to use from them.

Here are some of the tags I’ve punched out from these cards and some of the wood embellishments I’ve added some bling to!

The little snowflakes started out like the undecorated one on the right hand side. I painted them white or silver added glitter and a tiny stone.

These are some of the small wooden Christmas Trees about an inch high) that I added glitter to and tiny beads as ornaments.

I am still working on what to do with the wooden reindeers. Haven’t found the right bling for those yet!

We’re watching the Super Bowl which I always think that our Saints should be in. Again, not this year. I’m not sure I really care who wins this year. I am however happy they are able to have it since Covid is still hanging around. I hope to get my first Covid vaccine this upcoming week.

We’ve had a good bit of rain the last couple of days but I think it only raised the pond’s water level by an inch maybe! Oh well!

I really hope ya’ll have a Blessed week! Rosalyn