2020, Roy

11.23.20 Some days I …

Some days I go through the day happy and full of the joy God has placed in my heart.

Some days I am sad at just the sight of a picture of my honey Roy or the memory from one of our adventures. I found his little BabyBell red wrapped cheeses in the bottom of my egg basket and just cried and cried. Then I ate every one of them.

As I go through this newest version of my life without Roy being physically in it stinks. But I am learning to dig deep to become a stronger woman that I hope makes Roy and God proud.

Then I have a day like Saturday where my mind goes in so many directions jumping from thing to thing. I didn’t complete anything and left many things just dangling undone. And the emotions that come with grief are frustrating and deplete all my energy.

I had to remove from Marketplace some electronic things that were for sale because dealing with customers’ questions were getting me more and more confused and frustrated and the tears started to fall.

I could write a whole blog post about the awful day that Saturday was. I boiled two pots of turkey carcasses to make juice for my gumbos. The end of the day came with me spilling one of the gallon bags of turkey broth all over, under and around the stove and countertops and down the front of the stove. Wet, greasy turkey juice. Chip came home then and made me get in bed which is where I stayed.

It wasn’t easy for Roy to take on the responsibility of being my caretaker. However, it was easy for me to slip into the role of someone who needed caring for.

Now I don’t have that caretaker and I am venturing out on my own from time to time.

My brain hasn’t miraculously gotten better but I am trying harder to be more independent like I was when I was younger.

Our 48th wedding anniversary would be Wednesday of this week, November 25, 2020.

Roy and I were together almost 24 hours a day, every day. Chip is here a little while in the evening but mostly I am alone. I am not used to that. Sometimes it is nice but not all the time.

I think this, as my last post, is all around the place. That’s how my brain is doing lately. I know that instead of trying to handle too many things at once I need to focus on one thing, do it well, and then move on. That’s a lofty goal for someone who has several things rattling around in my head all the time but I have to try.

The young folks that were coming here today to help can’t come since a couple of them are sick. It is such beautiful weather that I am going to spend the day outside accomplishing some of the things on that list, one thing at a time! We’ll see how that goes.

Chad and Chip will be here tomorrow to go through their dad’s things to see what they would like to have and hopefully help me to identify what’s left for possible sale or to give away.  I don’t remember when it was just Chad, Chip, and I together. My mama heart is looking so very much forward to spending that time with them.

I hope each of you have a Blessed Thanksgiving Week!  Rosalyn

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