At those times that someone asks me how I am, my response of “Fine” or “As good as I can be” please know that any one or more of these things below are what’s really happening in my life or in my heart at that time.
I will not see my husband Roy again for the rest of my life. That is the most overwhelming feeling yet. It makes my heart hurt.
I know and respect that this is God’s will for our life. Roy has gone to live in Heaven and I’m living here. I don’t know how to do life without my honey Roy.
If I didn’t have Jesus as my Lord and Savior I wouldn’t have the comfort of His presence which I desperately need.
I see Roy all throughout the inside and outside our home. I have done a little bit of going through his things but can’t handle too much at one time.
Roy was my best friend. We had so much fun living life together. Sometimes our big outing for the week was going to Walmart and we loved it.
This covid mess made us stay home together all the time and I loved it.
I just realized that I am now a widow.
I have dementia and just lost my caregiver. He knew all of my problems that no one else knew. He loved me through it every time something would make it bad.
I always thought I would die first and Roy didn’t agree. Guess he was right.
I’ve lost the person who reviewed all my blog posts before I clicked on Publish.
I just checked out the number of photos I have in my funeral PowerPoint and it’s 266. Guess I’ll have to start reducing that number!
I went to the grocery with Chip Saturday evening. How bad could it feel to go to the grocery? It was awful in some ways. Roy and I had our grocery shopping routine worked out. On Saturday the fruit section was first and I almost didn’t get past the bananas without tears coming to my eyes.
I am right now watching the first Saints game I have ever watched without my husband Roy. We loved our Saints and loved cheering them on.
Whenever it rained Roy claimed that it was his turn to water everything that day.
The bath towel he used last is still hanging in my bathroom. I don’t know when it will ever be removed.
He finished so many projects around here and every time I look at one of them I’d give anything to trade that finished project to have him back.
I still have food in my freezer that we bought for me to cook something he really liked. I just cooked a pot of chili he was looking forward to.
My heart is broken but I have been told it will heal over time.
I needed the good cry that each of these things made me do.
I am spending my birthday, today, under my craft table cleaning and organizing things. Roy’s desk is now in my craft room and I take comfort having his “things” near me.
Please continue to pray for our family as we learn to live without my precious Roy.
Thank you all.
4 thoughts on “09.14.20 At those times that somone asks me how I am…”
God bless you for being vulnerable enough to share all of these things. I love you so much!
I am hoping it will help someone else be aware of what it feels like to lose your spouse suddenly or not. Love you too!
Don’t let anybody give you a timeline for anything. You will know when the time is right. I had Dan’s ratty looking grass shoes in the garage for years before I finally threw them out
That’s how I feel. This is a journey I never thought I’d be taking. We thought for sure I’d go first. Anytime you’re in town and would like to come to visit I would appreciate it. Thanks, BJ